Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
