there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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