remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize