I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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