so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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