God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
