My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
