Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
