wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
only you would photoshop your dick
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
