Where did you get a picture of my penis
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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