we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
