I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
