Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize