Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
