how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
