and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
