is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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