I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
