Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
