I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
