I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize