u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
