Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
