i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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