so that wasnt chicken after all
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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