Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
