You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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