The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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