She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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