Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We have so much sex to catch up on
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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