I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
