Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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