End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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