we have officially lost it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
