This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
