How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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