You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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