I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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