I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
