Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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