i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
