addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
