Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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