how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
