guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
