My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
