Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
