he wants to bone in the snuggie
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
