frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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