The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sober January is a disaster.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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