You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
