I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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