I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
