I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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