You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
