Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
