Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
