Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
