I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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