It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize