ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
