I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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