dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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