just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
