so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
