the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
