why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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