I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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