She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
