He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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