I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
