Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
