It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
