he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize