Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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