That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
