Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
