So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
