dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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