I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
