he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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