I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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