I hate all girls vehemently.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
