@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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