I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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